‘Ika aku, ‘ike mai, kokua aku kokua mai; pela iho ka nohana ‘ohana.
(Recognize others, be recognized, help others, be helped, such is a family relationship)

“This is the lesson I bring to you today, ducklings. It is a lesson that you will see touched upon quite often on my blog, and should be practiced often in life.  We live in a society that never sits still, never settles, and views happiness and joy as a luxury to be had only by children, and by adults on specific days of the year.  We, as a species, have adapted by bonding in complaints, and shared negativity. It’s such a commonality among us that it’s the quickest and easiest form of connecting with each other.  

It was a habit I noticed in myself while working at Margaritaville.  I would clock in, and within the first five minutes of walking through my office door, I was already pouring out my misery of the days events (no matter how early). Never mind the fellow who held the door open for me on the way in. Never mind the Executive Chef who had prepared a snack for me because it was obvious I was not having a good day. No, I was focused on that one person in traffic that felt compelled to cut me off, or that one employee who hit just the wrong nerve. And the rest of the day was downhill from there until I was home, and complaining as I walked in the door. It’s a miserable existence, and it wasn’t until the day I quit, and felt the weight lift off my shoulders that it occurred to me: I was feeding the wrong wolf.

Now, that sounds obscure, so please, allow me to clarify. In native American folk lore, a wise man tells his Grandson that within us all there are two wolves, a vicious, angry wolf; and a kind, noble wolf, forever fighting a battle. The young boy asks him “Grandfather, which wolf wins?”  and his answer is clear, simple, and wise “The one you feed”.   We are a nation of dark wolves.  But feeding your noble wolf isn’t as difficult as we make it.  I could write on and on and on forever about all the little details, but, for the sake of those of you who are busy like myself,  I will keep them short and concise. Try at least 3 of them each day, and you’ll find yourself in a better disposition each day. By improving others happiness around yourself, you improve your own happiness. As a wise man once said. In order for happiness to flow to you, it must flow from you.”

  • Try to accept people with an open mind, and refrain from making judgments, which are generally wrong anyway.
  • Let them know how much you appreciate them.
  • Any deed done for someone is a kind one when you don’t expect something in return.
  • Do little things, like holding open doors. Little things can often make the biggest difference in someone else’s day.
  • Accept them for who they are, and who they strive to be.
  • Let them know they’ve made you smile.
  • Be with them when they need you, and for the rest of the time let them be free.
  • Tell them the truth.
  • Tell them why they make a difference in your life that one one else possibly could.
  • Help them help themselves, and be independent.
  • Believe in them, and give them hope.
  • Give a simple, well meaning smile.
  • The kindest thing you can do for someone else, is to take good care of your own mind, body and soul.
  • Spend time listening with the intent of learning.
  • Be there for them when they fall, and not to say “I told you so”.
  • Give them space to be.
  • Lend your shoulder to cry on.
  • Thank them for being themselves.
  • Take time to send someone a note, thanking them, for something they have done for you in the past.
  • Respect each person’s individuality.
  • Offer encouragement after failure.
  • Forgive
  • Pay attention to them.
  • Listen to someone without trying to fix their problems.

“Years ago I developed a close friendship, and it has blossomed over time.  In life, we don’t always go about things properly, nor do we always think thing through to every detail, especially in matters of the heart.  He and I are firm believers in these rules, and practice them as often as we can. It has gotten us through many many trials and tribulations. Trials that most people would have crumbled under, but we have managed to dig our way out, and continue the good fight.  

This year I enrolled myself in school, found a job that is more like a second home, the people more like a second family, and when I walk in there, the idea of complaining is silly.  I am finally getting to be with the person whose hand I have held, as a friend and a lover through so much. And the future is bright.  A year ago, the idea of this ever happening seemed so far out of reach that I felt like I was drowning.  It is amazing the difference that changing your own actions, your own environment and the way you respond to things can have.  Don’t live in a state of hyper-reaction to every situation. If you can change it, you can change it by being positive and patient. If you cannot change it, then reacting to it, especially negatively, will only bloat your “dark wolf”. Focus on the little things through out the day, that pretty flower you found on the way to work, a scent on the wind that reminds you of childhood, a child who smiled at you when you passed them in the street.  The smallest things can have the largest impact.”

 

Blooming from early summer to late autumn, the Plumeria symbolizes Spring time and new beginnings.